Karaoke

Never gets old. There are a few karaoke places near my apartment, and we shopped around a bit for the one we like. The one we went to last time mysteriously went out of business, so it was just a big glass window with an empty space inside, with nothing left but a dusty table with a huge (gallon) empty bottle of Jack Daniels. It was a sad sight. So we went to the one next door and we were led to a small room with race car wallpaper and red couches. We thought we'd get our motorbike helmets to really get into character. Then the waiter said it was a two dish minimum. We came to sing! Not to eat! Who wants to do karaoke while eating anyway? We left. One last chance, and we found a good, but plain little place. They had decent (farang) music. We belted straight for two hours. My voice was shattered. We danced the whole time too, and our feet were sore. The servers kept walking by our little booth to peek in at what nonsense we were up to every few minutes. We'd wave through the little window and they'd duck away. Walking out, exhausted, we peeked in other rooms and everyone else was sitting looking half conscious, how boring. They were probably having a crappy time because they were stuck next to our obnoxious booth.

It's a Constant Game

I explained to someone today that teaching English is like a constant game called "Let's Understand Each Other!" The winner is the one who can use their words to best describe what they mean. Sounds simple, right? Extra points are for the person who can explain what they mean to say without using hand gestures. I lose at that part. I use my hands when I don't need to, waving them around as if that will make the student understand the meaning of the phrase "pretty much" (which, by the way, is more difficult to explain than you'd think).

I played an extreme game of that today with a student. She is the ultimate sweetheart. I asked her to express her opinion on motorbikes in Chiang Mai. I asked her to talk about the advantages and disadvantages. After talking about the advantages she said, "They will be to steal you." I said, "Do you mean they could steal the bike? They could steal your bag out of the basket?" She said, "They will be to steal you." I explained that if the object is 'you,' it means that the person is stolen, not the object. With the shake of her head... let the games begin. Through a series of short phrases, and gestures and sound effects, she won the game. Her intended meaning was starting to surface from the depths of my deductive sentences. "So you mean a man is driving a motorbike with a woman on the back.. then a bad guy comes up behind them and hits the man and then grabs the woman off the back of the bike and kidnaps her?!" She nods with glee and says "Kidnap! Kidnap her!" She writes 'kidnap' in her vocabulary book. Then she says, "What is the word for the bad man does some bad things with the woman?" I hesitate to say it.."Rape?" She nods and writes it down. I said, "Does that really happen?!" But I think what I really meant was 'did this whole conversation just happen?'

I played the same game with another student last week but he definitely lost because when he couldn't think of a proper word to use he would randomly throw in the word 'dominated.' As in 'My friend was so confused and... dominated.' This just made me laugh to myself and let him carry on. So I guess I lost that one too.

Sightseeing, by Lapcharoensap

This young Thai-American author gets it right, and I think it's noteworthy enough to recommend to anyone who is interested in short stories about Thailand life. The short stories cover topics like military drafting, gambling, farang-Thai relationships, work, family and globalization. I very much enjoyed it and even though I haven't had first hand accounts of what these characters experience throughout the five plots, I can still see the details that the author points out that I do experience everyday. Language barriers. Old men carrying their chickens like beloved souls. Thais' distaste for McDonald's hamburgers. The rifts between westerners and Thais. This book keeps a delicate balance between an English-reading audience and Thai 'inside jokes.' It's simple, funny, thought provoking and eye-opening. Very much like an American girl's perspective on life in Thailand. I dig it.

Exam Exaltation

Lost in the land of grading exams. After a week, I've finally found my way out. It's a lonely world in the land of poorly constructed sentences, verb conjugations and plagiarism. I started to fear that my own English skills were being degraded with each exam I corrected. Never mind the paper cuts and adding skills I've accumulated over the last week. (I'm a human calculator slash Edward Band-Aid Hands.) I had to document my efforts; notice the pens to show the scale. I am starting the 'Mia Raises Funds for CMU to Purchase a Freaking Scantron Machine Foundation.' I've started it using my own salary. For those who don't know Scantron, it's a beautiful machine in which you feed bubbled-in answer sheets into it and it will count the correct answers in less than a second. I will even provide all the #2 pencils the school would need for the next 10 years. And sharpen them.

Not to mention that the teachers are provided with sets of blank printed Excel grids that we must record our students' grades by hand. Then we submit these grade sheets to a person who will enter them (by typing every last number and decimal point) into an Excel file. I had actually made a suggestion to the department on how to make this process more efficient, but the department said that chiseling the grades onto a slab of stone would be too expensive. Oh and don't let me forget, when I submitted my grade sheet, I explained that I switched two of the columns by accident, but made a note on the paper. I was handed a bottle of white-out and told that it would 'confuse the typist' if I didn't fix it. Holy archaic system, sometimes I wonder if this is a sick joke.

Taxes

Yes, I did my taxes like a good girl. It was actually an enjoyable experience. A couple of other ajarns and myself went over to city hall with our paperwork (which consisted of a piece of paper from the university, our passports and our work permits.) We showed up at city hall, where there are several buildings and everything is in Thai. We just happened to walk into the right building and directly to the right office. I don't know how it happened but we stood outside the office door when all of a sudden a parade of pink came out with gifts and food and smiling office workers. No, the parade was not for us, but we worried that because the party was leaving the office, that no one would be there to help us. A few people stayed behind and explained that the party was for their boss who was being promoted, yet they helped us anyway. They took care of us and sent us on our way. Now that we had our official documents and tax card, we had one of two options to actually pay our taxes. We could go into the city to another office where we could wait in a short line and pay cash (which is what we ultimately ended up doing), or the more hilarious option: filing our taxes online, waiting 5 days, and then bringing our papers into....you'll never guess....7-11. In Thailand you can pay your taxes at 7-11! I love it. I can get some hot dogs, big gulps, and pay my taxes all in 5 minutes. How much were taxes you ask? Under $15 for the year; they would have been less if I went to 7-11 and used all of my 7-11 sticker coupons. Ha.

Busy tonight?

This was my highlight of the day: I was treating myself to an early dinner at a nice Italian restaurant after I finished class. I say 'nice' because they actually had heavy silverware and cloth napkins. I come in the restaurant and smile and nod when the young animated host says, "Just one?" He gave a quick pity frown, then put a big smile back on. He was overly helpful and friendly, perhaps because I was the only one in the restaurant at 4:30. He kept coming back to check on me, gave me a free dessert, and brought me the check. Then he says to me, "Happy Valentine's Day." I said, "Thank you. You too. Will you be busy tonight?" He replies, "Oh... you are very beautiful but I must work tonight." I almost said, "No, no, I meant will the restaurant be busy tonight?" but I didn't want the sweet kid to be embarrassed for turning down a (seemingly desperate) American girl when he's clearly not into women so I simply handed him the bill and said, "Ok. The meal was delicious, thank you."

One Academic Year Down

Today was the last day of class for my second semester at Chiang Mai University. I can't believe I have a whole academic year under my belt already. I thought I just got here. A day like today makes me think about my first day teaching here. What is different now? It doesn't seem like a lot until I think about the fact that I didn't know what the hell I was doing when I got here. Now I still don't know what I'm doing, but at least I'm used to it. I didn't like spicy food, now I have it for breakfast. I couldn't speak Thai when I got here, now I still can't speak Thai, but I certainly know how to repeat phrases I hear just to get a laugh. Upon arrival I was simply a part-time lecturer at the university, now I have a bunch of fun jobs. I teach at an American University Language Center. I teach one-on-one private students, preparing three different Thais for their post-grad English studies in Australia, UK, and Bangkok. I write travel articles. I do consulting for a woman writing and preparing to defend her post-doctorate dissertation about a care program for premature infants. And that's just what I am up to this week. I am taking education to nerdy heights. I never knew I had it in me.

What makes the teaching gig worth every grammar correction, every explanatory charade, every chalk dust sneeze? I would say the class evaluation that says, "You calm. I love you, my teacher, Mia. See you next term."

For those who don't know, I am on board for another year in Chiang Mai. That's the plan for now. By the way, the weekend forecast looks pretty solid:
Can you blame me for sticking around?