Totally Inappropriate

I had a student approach me after class today with a piece of paper with a few words scribbled on it in both Thai and English. He sort of looked embarrassed, and I didn't know what to expect. He said, "Ajaan Mia, I have to tell you something." Ok..... He said something in broken English very quickly, and I asked him to slow down and tell me again. He explained that his surname "might make me offend." Turns out his last name is the same as what we like to call the f'enheimer. He then quickly explained that in Thai it actually means "to hatch" or something like that. That is what his diagram was for. As if the diagram made it a more serious discussion and would keep me from wanting to laugh. So I just smiled and said with strange liberation, "So I can call you Mr. Fahk, then." "Yes. I'm Mr. Fahk." I won't call him that in class, as much as I want to, I can't do it. Totally inappropriate. Fahk.

After class I was able to make some extra cash by doing a voice recording for an advanced English class activity. Why they would want me and my Minnesotan accent? I don't know. (Although I chatted with some Canadian guys who live in my building today and decided my accent is not as bad as theirs dontchya know.) So this voice recording gig, they put the three of us in this tiny little recording studio with foam walls and fancy microphones and a glass window where the sound guy could look in and give us little signals on when to start, stop, etc. I don't know if I'm cut out for this type of job. I can't stand the sound of my voice being recorded. I laugh at inappropriate times. I make little changes to the script without thinking. Although after recording, I had to explain why what I said was grammatically correct as opposed to what was written on the page. I should get paid extra for that... The best part were the names of the characters that they chose for these activities. They take celebrity names and switch them around a little bit. Britney Sprays. Celine Dizzy. The best: Gloria Estacy. I about died when Amy read from her script in her breathy voice, "Ms. Gloria Estacy is the director of human resources..." I'm shaking uncontrollably, and Amy read through it like a champ. She had to re-record it though because my sniffling, wheezy little laugh could be heard in the background. Oops. Not like it's even that funny, but of course when you're not supposed to be laughing, it takes all the will power in the world not to. I've got a whole list of moments like that under my belt. Either I'm especially prone to those circumstances, or I'm just really immature.

Black and White

A new photo album has been added to the Photo Archive on the left. Chiang Mai in B&W. I love black and white photographs. As colorful as this town is, it's just as enchanting to see it through a black and white lens. I plan on adding new photos to this album throughout the year. My favorite photograph so far is the one below.

Reverse Effects of Friday the 13th

I'm not a superstitious person. But when in my lesson plan, there is a passage that the students had to read about 'Superstition', I thought that was a little odd. The passage defined superstition and gave examples like when a black cat walks in front of you you'll have bad luck and if you drop a piece of silverware company is coming over. (The example about the company coming over I thought was an invented superstition by my Great Grandma Z. Either her little invented superstition traveled trans-pacific waters, or it's more well-known than I thought.) Point being, Friday the 13th was not mentioned in the passage. I went ahead and asked them, "Has anyone heard of Friday the 13th, and how it's known to be a little freaky?" Some of them nodded. I quickly asked as if changing the topic, "What's the date today?" They gasped. I heard mutters of "sip saam, sip saam" as they look at their high-tech watches. Sip saam means 13; they were translating to the not-so-well-versed-English-students.

I started thinking about how this Friday the 13th has been a little bit backwards. First of all, the first red truck taxi that stopped on the side of the road didn't shake his head and peel off like the first four usually do. And he motioned for me to enter the passenger door of the truck so I got to sit in the VIP passenger seat rather than in the back of the truck. This has never happened to me before, especially in the busy morning commute. He dropped me off right in front of my building, too! Usually they kick me out at the front gate where another 10 minute walk awaits. He was even teaching me some Thai words like lohn which means hot, temperature-wise. Apparently I was already looking sweaty at only 7am?

Second of all, my students were all on time today. I don't know if any of you have heard of "Thai-time" but it generally represents anywhere from 15 to 90 minutes later than the actual time. You'd use this phrase something like, "Oh Greg? Yeah he'll be here, he just goes by Thai-time." Or if you're the one who walks in late, just give a big Thai-smile and a wink and say "Thai-time." A perfect example of this is in the CMU cafeteria. The large clock on the wall is set 15 minutes ahead of the real time. I just figured this out today. The administration must do this to try to fool the students into leaving the dining hall 15 minutes earlier than they normally would so they get to their next class on time. Unfortunately, I'm the only person who actually falls for this. I was so confused why my half hour lunch break seemed to fly by.

Also, it didn't rain a drop today. It's rained at least once everyday for the last few weeks. My (new) umbrella broke yesterday. Isn't it supposed to rain when your umbrella is broken? I guess the superstition gods are on my side today.

Finally, none of the Thai Ajaans seemed to judge my outfit today. This is really odd. They usually look me over to the point where it's almost assaulting. Imagine someone is undressing you with their eyes. Only they're not undressing you to see you naked, they're undressing you and simultaneously putting a different and more fashionable outfit on you. I honestly can't tell you anymore which scenario would be more uncomfortable.

So it's been a pretty good day, lucky perhaps?

Best Hair

I met the person last night with the greatest haircut in probably the whole world. In fact, I think I met all five people with the top five haircuts in the world. The Asians really know how to make their hair look awesome, especially the boys. If I had sleek straight black hair I would walk over to the salon right now and get an Asian mullet. Yes, Asians make mullets look so cool. The singer of a band I saw last night had his hair dyed a shimmering Ken-doll blond and his bangs made a perfect arch over his forehead, with his sideburns poking down his jawline, kind of like a yellow rainbow over his eyes. His short little mullet was spiked away from the back of his head and as much as he moved around on stage, his hair did not.

There is something about Thai hair that is so spikable. I love it. I can't tell if they use gel, but getting your hair to spike in the right direction is like an art form. The person with the greatest haircut in the world - I can't even describe how perfect it was. It was asymmetrical in the front, with one side longer than the other, and it somehow swooshed so gracefully in a perfect shiny swirl around his face. The back of his hair had that same swoosh, but little spiky tufts poking out. It was almost like his head was a cupcake, his hair was the icing, and he got the most elegant swirl to make his head look extra delicious. I wanted to take a picture of it, but didn't get the opportunity to because I was in a trance as gravity was defied on his head. I'm sure I'll see him again soon and his hair will look exactly the same.

I so wish I could be a Thai guy for one day so I could have a go at styling my hair and wearing skin tight jeans with chains and hipster tennis shoes and funky t-shirts and have a fancy cell phone that matches the color of my tricked out motorbike. Some people have stranger wishes, I guess.

Three Photos

Three photos for three little reasons why I love where I live. Photo #1 (above) is the treat for the eyes when you reach the end of the Sunday Walking Street. Since being here, I have been to the Walking Street every Sunday. It includes the three necessities for a pleasant Sunday afternoon: people watching, a dinner that starts on block 1 and ends at block 14, and a massage in a reclining chair on the side of the street. This photo was taken at the edge of the Walking Street, overlooking Wat Phra Singh. It was raining about 20 minutes before snapping this shot. I did buy an umbrella, by the way.

This next photo is of my latest splurge at the flower market. I'm having a weekly affair with the flower market. I know there are a few in Chiang Mai, but I'm sure I found the best. It goes on for blocks along the Ping River and there are little huts where the vendors sit in the back and watch Thai soap operas. I've never seen flowers like the ones here, and the colors are so vivid that they almost look fake. I'm getting into a cyclical habit of purchasing local pottery at a little market near my place and making trips to the east side of town for flowers to fill them. I am such a happy girl when I'm surrounded by fresh flowers. These lovely purple beauties set me back about a dollar.

This final photo was taken right outside my apartment. There is a large lawn right next door, and I walked by the other day and saw cows! Keep in mind, I live in the heart of the city so to the right of this photo is my large apartment building, to the left are some large billboards, and behind me is one of the busiest streets in Chiang Mai. These cows are completely out of place, and yet they make themselves right at home, along with the elderly farmer who was herding them around with a large stick. Makes me feel like I'm in bfe.

There are so many other reasons why I love this place, and the photos and stories will never be enough to fully describe how or why. I've been here for almost a month, and someone the other day asked if I was still in that honeymoon period. People really fall in love with this place like they fall in love with a person, and much less complicated.

Dear Thailand,

Dear ladies who work at the front desk in my apartment,
Thank you for being so kind to me. Every time I walk in and out of the building, you smile and wave like we've been best friends since middle school. I can't wait to learn more Thai so I can small talk with you. Can you tell the security guard that he really doesn't need to salute me when I come home late? It makes me feel weird. Should I salute him back? Let me know.

Dear older Thai ajaan who works in the English Department,
I know you're kind of important around here, so I would never say this to your face, but do you really have to judge my outfit every time you see me? I would almost feel better if you just said something rather than looking me up and down for what feels like 30 seconds. I was warned about you doing this to me before I started working here and even with the forewarning, I still feel incredibly awkward. I like all of your outfits by the way.

Dear woman who sits out on the sidewalk,
I see you everyday. I wish I could give you all the money in the world. I hope a smile and a prayer will do for now.

Dear guy with the furry motorbike,
I saw you drive off from the coffee shop by my apartment the other day. I miss seeing your furry bike parked out front. Since I haven't seen you or your bike for awhile, why don't you come back so I can at least take a picture of you and your sweet ride. How does that work with all the rainfall by the way?

Dear Ajaans from the UK,
I still love your accent. Sometimes I don't even hear what you're actually saying because I'm too busy liking what I hear.

Dear student who gave me the decorative chopstick to wear in my hair,
Um, thank you? I didn't really know what to say. I appreciate you thinking of me the last time you went to the market. You really didn't have to and you probably shouldn't have at all. Even though the little silver cupid charm dangling from the top is really cute, I'm afraid to wear it to class because you might think we're going steady. On the other hand, if you're trying to bribe me for a good grade...try a bean and cheese burrito next time. A for effort though.

Dear 7/11 cashier,
I'm sorry to do this to you all the time. You must think I'm absolutely loaded. I come in to buy a little yogurt for 12 Baht and pay with a 1,000 Baht bill every other week. I'm not loaded and I really don't need those yogurts. You're just the only place in the city that will break my 1,000 Baht bills.

Dear King,
I see you everywhere. You're quite handsome in those photographs from 30 years ago. Especially that life size cut out of you standing on the balcony above the used car dealership. I really thought it was you up there; so realistic. I know I was laughing at your video montage at the movie theater and I'm sorry for that. Something about being here makes me really like you. I don't know anything about you and I really like you. I almost bought a yellow polo shirt to wear on Mondays in your honor like everyone else. I guess if you can keep this whole country happy and stress-free and laid back, you're my kind of king.

Dear all of you other citizens of Thailand,
Seriously, what is your deal with corn for dessert? I don't get it. Corn is for dinner. Ice cream is for dessert. Instead you put corn in your ice cream. Why? Not just ice cream, but yogurt, smoothies, waffles and other dessert foods. I'm sorry, but this is something I will never understand. So please don't look at me weird if I'm spoiling my dinner by eating my dessert sprinkled on top of a taco.

Oh Ernie

I woke up this morning with a little twinge of homesickness. So I ate a bowl of cereal and watched this classic clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeNO56xNlZo

Who would have thought I could relate to a muppet? Miss you all.