Quirks I'm almost used to by now

1. A roll of toilet paper on each table to use as napkins
2. Stray dogs wearing t-shirts
3. Men shamelessly checking their flawless hairstyles in the mirrors on their motorbikes
4. Is that the ice cream truck I hear? No, it's the ice cream man ringing a silver bell pushing a vat of ice cream on wheels down the side of the road.
5. Whitening deodorant. Yes, it will make your armpit skin white as snow.
6. Cell phone dangle jewelry that is actually bigger than the cell phone
7. Don't bother picking up your heels when you walk (my least favorite sound)
8. Taking that drink to go? I hope you like your ice tea poured in a plastic bag with handles and a straw. You'll have to drink it before you put it down though.
9. No one escapes from Hello Kitty
10. The waiter will stand right next to you and stare with pencil in hand until you take a full 4 minutes to browse the 20 page menu and order something.
Honorable mention: Toast, Jew, and Big Bang (names of my students)

My perception of normalcy is now warped, but I don't mind.

Year of the Ox

This is my big year according to the Chinese. I'm an ox and this is the year of the ox in the Chinese New Year. (Thai people don't really celebrate the Chinese New Year because they have their own new year to celebrate in early April: the much-anticipated Songkran Festival.) Sources say the upcoming year doesn't look extremely favorable for the almighty oxes, but I think I'll have to be an exception to that rule.

They also say about oxes:
People born in the Year of the Ox are patient, speak little and inspire confidence in others. They tend, however, to be eccentric, and bigoted and they anger easily. They have fierce tempers and although they speak little, when they do they are quite eloquent. Ox people are physically and mentally alert. Generally easy going, they can be remarkably stubborn, and they hate to fail or be opposed. They are most compatible with Snake, Rooster and Rat people.

I would say that there are only a few parts to that description that my personality matches up with. For example, I lost my temper last week because someone told me I was a bigot because I said to them, " I have never been wrong in my entire life." I wouldn't budge. I guess you could say I was remarkably stubborn. Just the fact that they argued with me pissed me off so I beat them up with my bare hands. I absolutely hate to be opposed because clearly, I am always right. Then I got angry with myself because I failed to be physically and mentally alert enough to give them a roundhouse kick to the face when I had the chance.

I'm So Pumped

I joined a new gym and I secretly miss the wall decorations of sweaty scantily clad 80's beefcakes at my old gym. To make up for that loss, tomorrow I am going to a group fitness class. I am going solely because of the name, and I am being completely honest about that.

Name of the class: Body Pump
Name of the trainer: Magnum

You would do it too. Who wouldn't want their body pumped by a guy named Magnum? Seriously.

Elevator Etiquette

Americans and other westerners face the elevator door, while looking at the floor or at the changing floor numbers. Thai people will face the side walls of the elevator, seemingly staring at the other passengers. A mixed group of people in an elevator will all be facing different directions. Just something interesting I've noticed. Also, when Thai people exit the elevator, they give a little duck of their head as to excuse themselves from everyone else's presence.

Acupressure and What?!

My favorite part of the semester: presentation week. The unit was on health, and my students had to perform a role play about any kind of alternative medicine of their choice. The highlight of the lot was the last group in my last class today. My last presentation of the week was a group of three that performed a role play about acupressure. Interesting enough, right? But wait. Before they perform, they hand their script to me so I can follow along. (Otherwise it's tough to grasp their pronunciation sometimes.) Now as a side note, many many students tend to copy work. They copy from their friends, they copy from the older sisters and brothers who took the class last year, and fortunately for my entertainment (and yours, for that matter) they copy things from the internet that they don't understand. This group copied a few paragraphs from a website about acupressure and scripted it as something the doctor will say to a patient in the role play. The skit was going along just fine: "Doctor, what do you recommend for my problem?" "Well if you're not interested in traditional medicine, I have an alternative treatment that you might be interested in. Acupressure is the use of pressure points to...." The conversation took a turn for the unexpected shortly after. "And you can incorporate acupressure into foreplay and intercourse. Try acupressure along with kissing, rubbing and caressing...Be careful not to apply too much pressure on sensitive areas like the groin...If you get too excited, don't be afraid to slow down and relax for awhile, then return to foreplay again when you're ready."

I am not even kidding you. These kids had no idea what they were saying, and no one in the class got it either. I was sitting in the front row with my grading notebook with my breath held and tears welling up in my eyes. So difficult not to laugh out loud. I almost thought about asking them to stop, but I let it carry on because this was one of life's moments that is just too good to interrupt. I was in the presence of comedic brilliance, and I was the only one laughing.

Moonrise

Spent Sunday in San Kamphang, a small village outside of Chiang Mai to visit a friend at his (fairly) new and (extremely) beautiful property. His place is basically a Thai style house, right next to an identical house owned by his friends. They agreed to build a massive deck connecting the two and it is surrounded by mountains, a pond and tree orchards. We spent the day cooking skewers, grilling fish, making smoothies, eating eating eating. He's got the right idea. A perfect getaway in the mountains to escape to year round, just near the hot springs, not too far from the city. He's nice enough to share it with friends, and I'm grateful I finally got to see it.

The best part of the evening was anticipating the moon. It was full and scheduled to rise at 6:31pm, and the sun sets about 30 minutes prior. We huddled on the deck under blankets and watched the tip of the mountain start to glow from the light of the moon. All of a sudden it looked like a flashlight was shining through the trees at the top of the mountain, but the light got bigger and bigger. Here it was, the moonrise. Painfully exciting in a quiet way. We sat in silence, listening to Hebrew music that was appropriately about the moon guiding a person to their love. I've seen some incredible sunrises in my life, but I can't say I ever sat and watched a moonrise. Other-worldly, I tell you. One of those moments where you sit quietly and don't pay attention to the time until you notice how much the moon has moved above the horizon. We finally broke the silence, drank coffee and ate cookies making quiet comments about how beautiful this is. Reminded me how much I loved studying astronomy. As a child I remember riding in the car and watching the moon, wondering how it knew exactly where to go to follow us all the way home. It raced along the side of the car with us, not moving from that spot outside the window. Almost like it was a little plea to say, "don't forget about me!" and the moonrise was no different. It's so easy to get caught up in what is only in front of you and forget to look up once in awhile.

Things Work in Weird Ways

Last week I went around to a couple language schools in my neighborhood to drop off my resume and see if I can pick up some private students or some extra teaching hours. I walked a few blocks to a school that specializes in tutoring and small classes. I dropped my resume with a short application form that took a couple minutes to fill out. The woman said she'd call me for an interview and I thanked her and headed off to the next school down the street. By the time I walked no more than 3 minutes from the school I received a phone call from the woman I just spoke with. "Can you come in for an interview?" As if we went warp speed to three days from now when any normal place would call for an interview. I laughed and said, "Sure, I'll be there in...2 minutes." So I wanted to joke and say something smart like, "Nice to see you again...so soon." She had me sit and wait for the principal; apparently she was on her way. The five minute wait I was anticipated went severely into Thai time, about 40 minutes. Then the woman comes out and asked me to walk with her down the street to where the principal was. This was so weird. So I walked with this woman as she told me about her life growing up in Chiang Mai, how her English wasn't good (but why she works at an English language school I didn't quite catch), and other little tidbits about her life. We reached another school and walked in where I met the principal and proceeded with the impromptu interview in the middle of the lobby where preschool kids were running a muck around us while parents were picking them up. Weirdest interview of my life. She offered me a full time job on the spot but I couldn't take it because of my commitment to the university. I told her I was interested in part-time work so hopefully they will have something for me, but the interview kind of ended on that.

Gets weirder. A little deflated (and hungry) after all that waiting for an interview leading to nowhere, I headed home. I walked by the school that I work at on and off when they have a class for me. Just the week prior I had a call from them and when I returned the call, excited for what they had for me, their reply was, "Oh, since I couldn't get a hold of you, I already called the other teacher, so I don't need anything from you. Thank you!" I peeked into the window of the school and waved hello, and they motioned me to come in. "Oh!! Perfect timing. Here we have a student for you. She needs a tutor for the IELTS exam. Do you know IELTS exam?" "No." "That's ok! You can teach her speaking, listening, and reading. You can start on Monday."

See how things fall into place in strange ways? If it weren't for the impromptu interview, I wouldn't have walked by at the exact moment to get my new student. I met with her today and she's an angel. Lucky me.

New Year's Eve

I usually don't go buck wild over New Year's but this one was lots of fun. I can't say what was specifically so great about it, just a blur of good music, good company, lots of dancing with a dash of Thai drama on the side. Since I don't do drama, I stuck to dancing.

One of the highlights of the night was when a Thai friend that I ran into during the eve came to me toward the end of the night and he said, "I didn't even recognize you, Mia. You were so charming tonight." I like to think that these are two compliments completely independent of each other. Although on those rare occasions when I exude a little bit of charm, I can see how it's hard to put my name to that face.

More pictures of NYE and Christmas in the photo archive links on the left. The next morning I felt like garbage, naturally, and I found myself wondering how late we stayed out. Thank goodness for the clock appearing in some of those photos to remind me of the joys and of staying out waaay after my bedtime.

Last but not least, I hope all had a very happy new year and here's to this one being better than the last. We all have something to celebrate. Maybe next new year it will be the booming economy... As the Thais always say, maybe next time. Cheers.

Haircut

For only 180 baht a person can walk into a hair salon, point to shampoo and haircut on the menu, get escorted into the back, shampooed and head massaged for a long long time, then sit and sweat in a chair where a Thai man cuts off more hair than what he was asked via hand gestures. It's too late to say anything (as if anything said would actually be understood) so you just sit and pray to the Buddha statue on the shelf nearby that everything will be fine while your knees shake under the plastic tarp. It turned out just fine.

My Thai friends (and some farang friends) were pissed. I, on the other hand, don't get overly attached to my hair, and it obviously isn't very attached to me given the ungodly amounts of it that were appearing on my floors and sheets and shower tiles.

At least I didn't end up with an Asian Mullet. Maybe next time.

Detox

Please skip this post if you can't stand to read about the normal workings of the colon or the rest of the digestive system.

You had your chance. I went and got a colonic, or colon cleansing, or colon detox, what ever you want to call it. I don't know what made me compelled to go and do it that Saturday morning, but I have a feeling it was the food from Charlie's Christmas party plus the fact that a Thai friend told me about it, on top of the unfortunate sluggishness that I've been feeling.

So how does this work you ask? Or maybe you don't ask but are kind of curious to know. Or maybe you don't want to know at all to which I reply: Read the first line of the post again. The place that I went to was walking distance from my apartment. I am continuously discovering all the lovelies that are so close to home; maybe I will compile a list someday and you will understand why I never want to leave my apartment. Anyway, I showed up without an appointment and on the walk over, I called my Thai friend to say I was going, I was nervous, should I tip them?, was I going to be ok? She replied: that's good, don't be nervous, don't tip, and maybe.

I walked in and told them what I wanted and the two Thai women sat me down at a big marble reception desk, I filled out a questionnaire, they took my blood pressure and said ok looks good. She walked me into a private room and there was a giant scary looking chair. Apart from the chair, it was like a normal spa room. She had me get undressed and put on a robe and explained what was going to happen, but it was happening before I knew it. All of a sudden I was in the chair (still in the robe but with bare bottom against the plastic seat). She adjusted me a bit and put a pencil sized tube "up there." I had a flash of "I shouldn't be doing this, I want to go home" but I overreacted. It wasn't bad at all...but I didn't know at that point that I would have this flash again shortly.

She explained that through the tube, purified water would start to flow into my colon and beyond. Then she said when you have to go...just go. I didn't really get it but once the water started filling, I knew what she meant. I had that sudden flash again, only this time it was just like those terror filled moments when you're somewhere in public and need to get to a toilet ASAP. She was in the room for the first part and waited for me to "go" the first time. She was on the other side of a curtain and kept saying, "Don't be afraid, just relax, don't worry, you can make a noise if you need to..." This of course made me more nervous and embarrassed. She said that I can watch the water level and when it gets down to the last 5 liters, to press the call button for her. Then she left. I had only gotten through 1 liter and I had 24 to go. So the idea is that one or two liters of water goes through you, then you push it out with other stuff. Then you do it again until all 25 liters of water is gone.

I should mention that there is a mirror above the clear tube that sends all the water and other stuff down the drain, so that you can see what passes through. I won't go there, and I did not take pictures. Although I know one or two people who might wish I did photo-document the process. Sorry. However, it would have been more telling if I took pictures of my facial expressions in reaction to what I was seeing. All of the captions to those photos would be: "really?" or "are you kidding?" or for a really bad pun, "are you shitting me?"

So when it got down to the last few liters I hit the call button and in came the Thai nurse (I think she's a nurse...) and she came in to push on my belly for the last part of the colonic. Talk about strange. My Thai friend put it nicely. She said by the end of it you feel like you should get her name and number, take her out to dinner, take her home for the night because you get a little intimate while she's pushing your stomach while you're in the chair doing your 'wish-it-was...but-not-so-private' business.

After the whole thing was over, I was free to take a shower and get cleaned up. I admit I didn't feel a whole lot different. The rest of the day was fine and to be honest, I felt the benefits of everything in the next two days. Hard to explain, without using the cliche "cleaner." I was happier, had more energy, and felt like I could break into song and dance down the sidewalk. Kidding about the last one. I definitely recommend it. If you want more of the gruesome details, I'm not afraid to share, but you need to ask.

Christmas Party for the Adults

The days leading up to Christmas were strange. No snow, no family gatherings, no bitter cold. Christmas Day was also strange. I started the day by spoiling myself with a big breakfast that didn't come close to Grandma's. I had class on Christmas and my students wished me a Merry Christmas when I walked in the door, which was very sweet, but class went on as usual. The only other sign of Christmas was when I left my apartment that morning and an old white man in red with a white beard and santa hat rode by in a bicycle. I waved and shouted "Merry Christmas!" We only need a little bit of Christmas cheer to be content for the day.

That evening my friend Charlie hosted a Christmas party at her place for all of us farangs (and some Thai too!) who were away from home on the holiday. We had a potluck dinner and lots of drinks and even more desserts. It was an international gathering. I've never had sticky rice with chicken and whiskey for Christmas dinner before, but we make the most of it all. It was really nice to be around friends and to make it somewhat of a family gathering.

By the time I got home, it was only Christmas morning back in Minnesota, so I got to see the family via webcam and we opened gifts together. Awwww. I miss them like crazy.

Christmas Party for the Kids

First of all, apologies for neglecting the updates over the last few weeks. Time to play catch up. Before Christmas, I volunteered to help throw a little Christmas party for underprivileged and handicapped children at a Thai elementary school. We were to entertain three age groups in three shifts for a couple hours each. We had three activities prepared for the party. The first was telling "The Night Before Christmas" story to the children in Thai. I wonder if this was their first introduction to Santa or Christmas, and as odd as it is to thrust a Christian holiday onto a group of Buddhist children, no one seemed to have a problem with it. The story was complimented by none other than a powerpoint presentation of pictures somewhat relating to the story as it was told. The westerners in the room could have pointed out the disconnect between the pictures and the story, but the kids loved it. Worthy to note: the first activity for all the kids in the morning is their anthem to the King (in which they sing and play xylophone-like instruments) followed by their daily exercise aerobics to a hip hop song with explicit lyrics that the kids don't understand but are happy to dance to. Only here.

Oh before I forget, I absolutely need to mention the behavior of these kids. Do me a favor and picture an assembly hall of 70 children ages 7-10, anticipating a super fun party they've been looking forward to for weeks. Don't do it for too long because you might get a headache from all the screaming and chaos in your head. The kids at this school were nothing like what you just pictured. I promise you. They were angels. Little Buddha loving angels. For example, before they were allowed into the hall where we were still setting up that morning, the teachers lined up their students and had them sit in rows on the steps outside. Observation number 1, they actually sat down in rows. Observation number 2, they stayed there. Observation number 3, they lined their shoes up against the wall in neat rows. Observation number 4, and this is the one that blows me away, they meditated. Meditated! Now I can hardly sit still without talking, and I know a whole lot of people who are the same, but these kids! I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary until I realized there was nothing but silence coming from outside the door and all the noise was from the adults who were still setting up. I peeked outside and there sat little bodies in rows with an eerie wisdom and calmness. Luckily I knew right then that if I told someone about this they wouldn't believe me so I snapped a photo.

The second game we played after the story (which they obviously sat through with good behavior), we played "Pass the Parcel," which is obviously a British name of the game and I can only think those words with a British accent now. Basically it's a game where we prepared little gifts wrapped several times with layers and layers of newspaper, and between each layer is a little treat or candy. The kids sit in a circle and pass the gifts around while Christmas music plays (as it turns out, Feliz Navidad was the first track on the CD I made and the kids loved it- thanks Adam.) and when the music stops the person holding the gift gets to remove a layer and keep the treat. Observation number 5, they weren't greedy little monsters. When the music stopped and last child holding the gift, he usually looked confused and handed it over to the person next to him. Another group of girls did something extraordinary. They passed the gift around exactly to the beat of the music so there was no discrepancy of who ended with the gift. Then they agreed that instead of keeping the prize for themselves, they put each little treat in the middle of the circle, into a community pot, if you will. They would cheer for the person each time the gift was opened and the girl would graciously add it to the middle pile. At the end of the game, they agreed to divide the prizes equally among the whole group so no one was left out. Based on this alone, I think the world would be a more peaceful place if women ruled it.

The last activity was letting the kids make Christmas cards. This was my favorite part of the party where we got to get on the floor with the kids and really interact with them. Coloring, cutting, gluing...made me want to be a kid again. It was an interesting experience because the kids don't speak any English and I used a few little encouraging phrases in Thai but for the most part I spoke in easy English because their teachers wanted them to hear the rare native tongue. So we were speaking different languages but we still got along and had a great time.

On top of it all, the kids were incredibly beautiful. I've got loads of pictures and you will probably agree. I became instantly attached and enamored. We entertained three large groups in all, about 170 children total. I think they had a great time and it was quite humbling to see how thrilled they got over little bits of candy or pencil case prizes or their pride in their Christmas cards. Love it. I meant for this to be posted closer to Christmas to try and encourage some to volunteer for a holiday event for underprivileged kids but the truth is, there is never a bad time to volunteer for something or someone you care about.