Don't Let the Jaws of Life Get You Down

Today I had lunch at a cafe that has an outdoor area that resembles a small jungle with wood lounge chairs and picnic tables. I was alone except for a stray kitten sitting in the chair next to me. Just as I was about to take the first bite of my lunch, another kitten trots past proudly. It had a limp pigeon hanging from it's mouth. The pigeon was bigger than the kitten. It was too disturbing to start my lunch, but intriguing enough not to look away. I guess I've never seen a kitten with quite the catch in real life. The sleeping kitten next to me jumped out of the chair and joined the other, both ready to tear the poor thing apart. I really wanted to not see this and eat my lunch, but it was like rubbernecking a car wreck. The kitten dropped the bird on the ground and started licking it's paws in preparation like a Tom and Jerry cartoon. It might as well twisted it's evil whisker mustache. Then the bird flew away. The biggest 'booya' I've ever seen in my life. I laughed alone at these two kittens who watched their lunch fly away, left with nothing but a few stray feathers floating around them like they just had a pillow fight.

The lesson: some may feel like they are clamped within the unforgiving jaws of life. Don't worry. Just when you think it can't get any worse, you'll be spit on the ground. That's your chance to turn the tables. Do it! Don't let the seemingly sweet kitty of life devour you like some sad diseased pigeon. Be the surprise! Some unsuspecting onlooker will really appreciate it and may even say, "What the...."

*There is no Thai translation for 'booya' - it's a universal language in itself.

Cheeky Kid

I have a student in my upper level class who is just too cool for school. He doesn't bring his text books, and he sits way too relaxed in the chair. He's a bit older and has the bad boy charm with the tats and the converse high tops and perfectly spiked hair (when he's not wearing his white ship captain's cap.. I kid you not on that one). The problem is, he's really sharp. Best vocabulary and fluency in the class. Not really a problem to have a bright student, only he uses his language skills in questionable ways. First of all, his confidence and charm causes all the girls to giggle like little school girls, which they are, I guess, but still. One gal who is normally quite good turns into mush if they have to practice speaking together, and he knows it. Her hand goes over her mouth and she can't get a word out over silent giggles. It looks like a disease...or choking. Speaking of these conversation exercises, he seems to turn any conversation topic (from travel to types of transportation to food preferences) into a way to practice pick up lines. No matter what, by the end of the conversation he is saying, "So you will come home with me tonight? We can get a room?" I think I might be the only other one who knows what he's saying. Today the students had to write a one page travel blog and post it on the wall for all to read. His was about spending time at the beach sharing coconut flavored drinks with a former political leader, picking up women, and contracting HIV by the end of the trip. Completely out of bounds. It upsets me more that his writing has near perfect grammar. I say 'near perfect' because during a group activity, he was sitting aside drawing a tattoo on his wrist in black ink with skulls and hearts with a banner: "Love Suck." I didn't have the heart to correct him.

Karaoke

Never gets old. There are a few karaoke places near my apartment, and we shopped around a bit for the one we like. The one we went to last time mysteriously went out of business, so it was just a big glass window with an empty space inside, with nothing left but a dusty table with a huge (gallon) empty bottle of Jack Daniels. It was a sad sight. So we went to the one next door and we were led to a small room with race car wallpaper and red couches. We thought we'd get our motorbike helmets to really get into character. Then the waiter said it was a two dish minimum. We came to sing! Not to eat! Who wants to do karaoke while eating anyway? We left. One last chance, and we found a good, but plain little place. They had decent (farang) music. We belted straight for two hours. My voice was shattered. We danced the whole time too, and our feet were sore. The servers kept walking by our little booth to peek in at what nonsense we were up to every few minutes. We'd wave through the little window and they'd duck away. Walking out, exhausted, we peeked in other rooms and everyone else was sitting looking half conscious, how boring. They were probably having a crappy time because they were stuck next to our obnoxious booth.

It's a Constant Game

I explained to someone today that teaching English is like a constant game called "Let's Understand Each Other!" The winner is the one who can use their words to best describe what they mean. Sounds simple, right? Extra points are for the person who can explain what they mean to say without using hand gestures. I lose at that part. I use my hands when I don't need to, waving them around as if that will make the student understand the meaning of the phrase "pretty much" (which, by the way, is more difficult to explain than you'd think).

I played an extreme game of that today with a student. She is the ultimate sweetheart. I asked her to express her opinion on motorbikes in Chiang Mai. I asked her to talk about the advantages and disadvantages. After talking about the advantages she said, "They will be to steal you." I said, "Do you mean they could steal the bike? They could steal your bag out of the basket?" She said, "They will be to steal you." I explained that if the object is 'you,' it means that the person is stolen, not the object. With the shake of her head... let the games begin. Through a series of short phrases, and gestures and sound effects, she won the game. Her intended meaning was starting to surface from the depths of my deductive sentences. "So you mean a man is driving a motorbike with a woman on the back.. then a bad guy comes up behind them and hits the man and then grabs the woman off the back of the bike and kidnaps her?!" She nods with glee and says "Kidnap! Kidnap her!" She writes 'kidnap' in her vocabulary book. Then she says, "What is the word for the bad man does some bad things with the woman?" I hesitate to say it.."Rape?" She nods and writes it down. I said, "Does that really happen?!" But I think what I really meant was 'did this whole conversation just happen?'

I played the same game with another student last week but he definitely lost because when he couldn't think of a proper word to use he would randomly throw in the word 'dominated.' As in 'My friend was so confused and... dominated.' This just made me laugh to myself and let him carry on. So I guess I lost that one too.

Sightseeing, by Lapcharoensap

This young Thai-American author gets it right, and I think it's noteworthy enough to recommend to anyone who is interested in short stories about Thailand life. The short stories cover topics like military drafting, gambling, farang-Thai relationships, work, family and globalization. I very much enjoyed it and even though I haven't had first hand accounts of what these characters experience throughout the five plots, I can still see the details that the author points out that I do experience everyday. Language barriers. Old men carrying their chickens like beloved souls. Thais' distaste for McDonald's hamburgers. The rifts between westerners and Thais. This book keeps a delicate balance between an English-reading audience and Thai 'inside jokes.' It's simple, funny, thought provoking and eye-opening. Very much like an American girl's perspective on life in Thailand. I dig it.